Many Westerners are bewildered by the unfamiliar sight of Arab Muslim women garbed in black. Frown lines form and heads shake in disbelief at the sight of a woman in niqab (full-face covering). It seems strange. Why on earth would a woman dress like that?

It’s a well-known assumption in the Arab world that Arab men by nature are jealous creatures. According to Nofa al Sulaiti, many of the reasons a woman would wear hijab (headscarf) are due to the way Arab men were raised. “Men were raised to believe that women should cover up. The new generation is trying to change that, and men are not as jealous as they were before. The men today are more open-minded,” she reported. “The generation of men now lets the whole family travel, go into restaurants and public places and sit and eat together. In the early days, no man was allowed to look at another’s wife. She should cover up, even her face. Why? He was raised that way. When he was a young boy, he could not look at girls, even his cousins, because he might marry one of them some day. But as a young teen, he looked at girls and thought they were pretty or nice. So when he grew up and married, he didn’t want other men looking at his wife and thinking of her as he used to think when he looked at girls.”

Western Generalisation

'Women who veil themselves are forced to and are oppressed.' 

Is it that they are in black that Westerners think they look scary? Something reminiscent of a funeral? Is it the fear of the unknown or merely curiosity about what is beneath the abaya? Or is it that we can’t see their faces or hair? Are they covering themselves because of a self-esteem problem? Do their husbands and/or family force them to dress like this?

Many questions and scenarios tug at Western minds. It is a simple case of genuine ignorance. We simply do not know.

Of course, if one reverts back into history, just about all religions at some point had women wearing some type of veil. Mary, the mother of Jesus, is usually depicted in Christian art with her head covered. By the Middle Ages, Jewish women largely conformed to the custom of hair covering. Until the 1960s, it was obligatory for Catholic girls and women to cover their heads in church. Catholic nuns for centuries wore floor length black habits and had their hair covered. I grew up Catholic and attended Catholic schools, so I didn’t find nuns scary looking. However, nuns in full black habits were indeed scary looking to many of my non-Catholic friends.

Traditional Hindu women still cover their heads and at least partly obscure their faces around unrelated adult males. A large number of African women wear head-scarves, as do many Russian women.

“Some women are forced to wear hijab,” admitted Wafaa Ashoor. “Not the majority of them, but some are still forced. Some fathers force their daughters to wear niqab even today. For hijab, I think the father should insist because this is for his daughter’s benefit. Now or later she will know it was the right thing to do and thank him. But to cover her entire face? No, this is not general practice. But there are still some men who force it.”

Rania Noor contended that hijab is a statement of a Muslim woman’s identity, and that “anyone who sees her will know she is a Muslim and has a good moral character. Many Muslim women who cover are filled with dignity and self-esteem; they are pleased to be identified as Muslim women. As a chaste, modest, pure woman, she does not want her sexuality to enter into interactions with men in even the smallest degree. A woman who covers herself is concealing her sexuality, but allowing her femininity to be revealed. Hijab is not merely a covering, but more importantly, it is behaviour, manners, speech, and appearance in public. Dress is only one facet of the total being.”

“The hijab is a very difficult issue for us,” said Maryam al Sheroogi. “For many, they believe if they removed their hijab, hell would come to them.”

“But many girls now know why they have to wear it,” added Wafaa Ashoor. “We must explain to our daughters not only why they should wear hijab, but also tell them they have to put it on. It’s not that hard. When I was growing up, people knew it was in the Book about wearing hijab, but they didn’t know why women were supposed to wear it. But everybody knows now what is in the Book. It’s in our nature to want to do what’s in the Book, so we are returning to the Book.”

Twenty-one year-old Nofa al Sulaiti does not wear hijab, although her mother does. I asked her if that presented any tensions between mother and daughter. “Every single day before I go to the university, my mother says something. It’s a very difficult decision to make. The hijab is a commitment for me. So if I wear it, I will cover all of my hair and all of my body. Some of the girls in Bahrain - especially the Bedouin girls - do this not for the religion and not for God, but for their reputation and their family. Example; I’m doing this for my family; I’m doing this for my mother; I’m doing this because of my family name; the women in my family always wore hijab. This is what is happening right now.” 

“If I wear hijab, I will wear it the right way like I’m supposed to wear it, not like the girls do with their hair showing. If I decide to wear hijab, I will wear it for God and not for people. But I have to think carefully about it, because if I put it on and I’m not confident enough, I might take it off. And this is not good. People might have a bad impression of me and say ‘Yeah, she used to wear it and now she doesn’t. What’s going on?’ I won’t wear it because my mother told me to or because I have to for my family name.”

Naseem, Nofa’s mother, said she realizes that she cannot force her daughter to cover. “She’ll go out and take it off, and I don’t want that. But I think that here in Bahrain wearing hijab is more tradition than religion.”

What if you were married and your husband forced you to wear it, I asked Nofa. “Actually, this is not the point,” she answered. “Before we marry, we would discuss it. If I like this person and want him as my husband, and he told me after we were married, would you please do this as an honour for my family and for me, of course, I would. But if after we were married he decided he wanted me to wear it, then that’s a big problem. Then it’s like he is forcing me, and I won’t like that. I’m actually planning to wear hijab whenever I do get married.”

“You know, some women who wear hijab look sexier than the ladies who don’t,” Salah Al Shuroogi told me. “There are some beautiful eyes. And yes, some people think they do look scary. We are no longer a small village; Muslim people travel the world just as American and Europeans do. I would ask the Western people to accept and live with hijabbed women and not to harass women they might see like this.”

Nofa also weighs in on the make-up issue as she herself wears make-up and has beautifully highlighted eyes: “Girls and women can wear make-up, but on limited areas. For example, black eyeliner is halal, which means okay. This is a cultural thing, not a religious thing. Prophet Muhammad said this was the culture before Islam, but that women should not wear too much of it. It was the Bedouin culture to wear eyeliner. They also had an herb that women wore, called dorim, that made your lips brownish orange. In the Arab world specifically, because of the way we dress (wearing an abaya) and covering our hair, what’s the part of your body that is seen the most? The face. So girls want to highlight that as best they can to show off. Yeah, it’s a contradiction within our culture because when we put on the hijab the main idea of wearing it is to prevent men from staring at us. So when we wear make-up… well then, the point is... why are you wearing hijab in the first place?”

Apparently Arab Muslims know Westerners well, as this generalisation popped up on their list, too, about Westerners.

Arab Generalisation

'Westerners believe that Muslim women who cover themselves are backward.'

To most Westerners, it seems as though women in hijab or niqab and those wearing an abaya appear to be more subservient when covered.

“I am a Muslim Bahraini wife and mother,” Eman wrote, “And I dress the way I feel I want to dress. Allah will judge me for my behaviour, my good deeds, and my clean heart and mind.”

Yet another Muslim woman, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “According to Islam, women should be covered from head to toe if they are in front of any men. This helps protect a woman’s body parts from men. It is a shield that protects a woman from evil thinking or the stares of men. Allah almighty has ordered women to cover themselves; so who has the right to say what is wrong and what is right? Furthermore, covering oneself doesn’t mean that we Muslims are not modern or ‘backward’ as many Europeans and Americans think.”

In addition, Westerners I interviewed felt the hijabbed Arab Muslim women had a limited education (the mandatory grades until high school graduation) and then were pressured into marrying and immediately starting a family.

The Bahraini Muslim women - at least those in their twenties - that I interviewed are well educated with jobs and career aspirations. Many Westerners think the majority of these women are uneducated and at home caring for their family and husband, and that’s the extent of their life.

“I really think Americans have the misconception that Arab women are not that highly educated, and for some reason seeing them in scarves and an abaya contributes to that misperception,” said Joan Corey.

“That’s an interesting concept about women,” remarked Lee Ann Fleetwood after reading the two generalisations. “Americans may think that Arab women are oppressed because they wear hijab. But then Arab Muslims feel that American women are repressed because they have to use their bodies in every aspect of their lives. It depends on which side of the coin you are looking at. Personally, if I had to choose between walking around half-naked and walking around covered, I’d prefer the covered. I don’t believe in the extreme form of covering, but at the same time, I find it disgusting that every advertisement in America from socks to cars has a half naked woman in it.”

To wear or not wear hijab is a hotly contested issue in this Arab country with no apparent right or wrong reason. There are extreme opinions waged against the more liberal viewpoints, and degrees of everything in between. Again, it comes down to religion versus culture.

What follows are theological opinions, broad generalisations, Muslim women making impassioned pleas to their 'sisters' to wear hijab and abayas, and even some men weighing in on the topic. It is becoming more obvious that the Islamic dress code is not rigidly defined; rather the emphasis seems to be on women dressing modestly - and how can that be a black and white decision?

Culture or Religion?

“I believe the Quran says to cover that which you consider private,” ventured Nader Shaheen. “And in some references it’s translated as covering your breasts as well. At the time it wasn’t uncommon for women to be topless, which nowadays - even in the West - is too much. But it’s culture and not religion. Cover your head, cover your face, cover your hands - completely black out - no one could point that out in the Quran. No one can show you where it says completely cover yourself from head to toe in black, because it doesn’t exist. Therefore, this is culture. It is not about religion. It is a sprout seed that has gone to seed, and something that someone has run with and just kept going. It is not against our secular law to go out with your hair showing, wearing jeans, and a t-shirt. You cannot be arrested for that in Bahrain.

“Christianity and other religions are practised in a hundred different ways around the world. Where the culture will affect it, it manifests itself in wearing the veil. To my understanding, it is not a pre-requisite for being a good Muslim. There are basic and decent things about culture that are vastly more important than whether or not you expose your hair. Do you donate to charity? Do you try to do good works for the poor? Don’t steal, don’t lie - the basic things - those are much more important.”

Lee Ann Fleetwood offered some background history: “Muslims back in the day were being harassed by those intent on keeping Islam from spreading. Muslim women were especially harassed as they were seen as the weaker gender. Arabia in those days was barbaric and very open concerning sexuality. It is well known that women walked around with their chests exposed and nobody thought too much about it. In general, the dress of the time was fairly casual.

“Women wore a cloth that draped over their heads because of the arid, hot conditions of the region. It had nothing to do with religion. It was not held securely around the body or used to cover the hair; most often it hung loosely down and provided protection from the elements.

“Slave women in those days were considered fair game to anyone. Non-Muslims used that as an excuse to avoid blame when they harassed Muslim women, claiming that they couldn’t tell Muslim from non-Muslim or slaves. Muslim women appealed to the Prophet to find a solution fearing the harassment would intensify. He prayed to Allah for guidance and the message was that Allah wants the Muslim women to cover their chests and dress modestly so that aggressors to Islam will have no further excuse for causing harm.

“Allah tells them to use the same cloth that they’ve always used and just bring it over their chests in a more modest fashion. The ultimate aim was to distinguish Muslim women from non-Muslim and slaves. You have to wonder that nowadays its hijabbed and veiled women that are most likely to be harassed because of the distinction, so maybe the opposite holds true now.

“There are Muslims now and from the past who sincerely believe that Allah never ordered hijab to be worn, and so it is a choice for them to wear it or not, and they believe they will not be punished for it. It should not be considered a deficiency in their religion just because others believe it is ordered.

“Allah orders modest dress, modest behaviour, and justice to be done between us. We know that covering ourselves from head to toe in black has no magical effect on men who are intent to cause harm. What we need to do is raise our Muslim sons to have 'hijab' of the heart and mind concerning women, and then the two genders could coexist in a true Islamic society in which women are free to expose their hair without the burden of being seen as deficient or fair game, but still queens and due equal respect as hijabis.

“The Quran does not tell women to wear the hijab and to cover their heads and hair. It’s just not there. Hijab for women did not even become a widespread practice until more than two hundred years after the Prophet’s death. And it was a cultural practice new converts to Islam used to show the difference between rich women and poor. If it was a direct order from God, then for sure all Muslim women alive at the time of the Prophet would have practised it without a second thought, and so would Muslim women forever after that. But it wasn’t and it isn’t.”

Fatima Ali and Rugayah Sharif discussed the philosophy in their respective Shia families that they experienced as to wearing hijab when they were younger.

“My mother said, ‘I will not tell you to wear the scarf,’” began Rugayah. “‘I want you to come and tell me that you want to wear it.’ If I want to wear the scarf, then I have to wear it and never remove it. It was a hard decision at first. But once a girl wears it, she becomes attached to it and doesn’t think of removing it. People will ask me - aren’t you hot wearing it? Well the thing is, I sometimes forget I’m wearing it; it has become part of my body.”

“I feel weird sometimes if I don’t wear it,” Fatima admitted. “You either always wear it or never wear it. It’s an attitude, a way of living. The scarf is not just a piece of clothing that you occasionally wear. Sometimes I’ll see a woman not wearing one and she respects herself; I can tell by her pose and the way she carries herself. Then there’s a girl wearing a scarf because she was told to, and my God, it is obvious that there is no respect!

“A lot depends on the upbringing as to whether you wear it or not. Some parents are very open and others are very strict. For some it’s more of a negotiation; don’t go out without one because of a, b, and/or c, and they try to convince their child like that. I will not wear something that I am not convinced of. If my mother tells me that I have to wear the scarf, I won’t necessarily because my mother is not here with me this very minute. I can take it off whenever I want. And that’s what happens, I think, for most girls if they’ve been forced into wearing it. You cannot force things upon people, but if I’m convinced about the reasons for wearing it, then why not? It all depends on your upbringing.”

“I know families who are very restrictive with their daughters,” Rugayah added. “At home they are told to wear the scarf, not use the mobile; they can’t go outside with their friends, but as soon as they go off to the university, they rebel. Off comes the scarf.”

“I believe that our religion says women must cover their hair,” she continued. “I want to protect myself. Here in Bahrain they say that the hair is the cause of evil thoughts. So when you see a girl with long hair, you know guys are looking at her. We may be innocent, but we are not naïve.”

When I asked what’s so bad about looking at a girl’s hair, Rugayah’s answer was short and succinct: “A guy’s blood runs in only two directions. Wearing a scarf is a cultural thing. If I see a woman not wearing one, and she is respecting herself by the way she acts or dresses, I’m not going to judge her or say she’s a bad Muslim because she’s not wearing a scarf.”

In Bahrain if a Shia girl is going to wear hijab, it usually happens around age nine, but Fatima and Rugayah were eleven and Naeema, Fatima’s younger sister, was twelve years old. They explained that their parents did not want to push them.

Although these three young adults do not customarily wear an abaya, they sometimes will. Fatima usually wears it when she goes to the Souq, while Rugayah sheepishly admitted she wears one when she’s running late for work.

“Women who wear an abaya can remove it whenever they want, but they’re used to it. They feel that if they are not wearing one, it’s like they are walking around naked. In some families, girls are not allowed to remove their abayas. And they really aren’t that hot in the summer; they have some material that is really quite light like the material in a pair of shorts.”

“I am a Bahraini Muslim girl,” wrote Maha, “And have been wearing a hijab and abaya since I was a teenager. I swear I really feel safe and valuable each time I wear them. I have beautiful hair with a healthy body that strictly should not be seen by strangers, because it is a gift from Allah and a part of respecting His holy instructions. You know that a girl is like a diamond that must always be covered with a veil of silk to protect it. It is important to mention here that not only Islam urges women to cover their hair; the Bible also does. To sum up, I feel like a princess under the umbrella of Islam and its teachings to wear hijab.”

Najiya, who chose not to disclose her last name, said that Islam is more cultural than religious. “When it comes to practising faith, we have to follow the rules laid down in the Quran and Hadith. It is from the very authentic Hadith that we get our dress code. We wear the abaya as a shapeless black garment so that it hides the very shapely us. We don’t want any non-mahrem (non-related) men seeing how we look.”

Another Muslim woman, Maria, noted that all religions, including Christianity and Judaism, value the modest and chaste nature of the woman. “Muslim women everywhere are proud to wear their beautiful and modest Islamic dress, both as a way of identifying themselves as Muslims and as a shield against envious or lustful glances.”

“The hijab has an indispensable function in the life of a Muslim woman,” offered Ameena Ali. “That is protection and preservation of her honour and chastity. This means that a woman who wears the hijab does not do this to declare her religion or distinguish herself. Rather, she wears it out of obedience to her Lord.”

An anonymous male offered his opinion to the hijab debate: “Being a man, I must say that we actually have more respect for women who do cover up properly rather than those who do not. Men generally try to flirt with those who expose themselves. We don’t want the risk of being embarrassed by flirting with a woman who is covering herself; she might actually be a respectful, true Muslim who is probably married.”

Rasool Hassan, married with three children, has never suggested to his wife that she wear or not wear hijab or an abaya. “Because she grew up in a family where they wanted her to wear one, it became part of her life. Sometimes she only wears a scarf to cover her hair. It’s her decision. But to be very honest with you, as a Muslim man, I prefer that she wear both an abaya and a scarf. I think it’s nice to see that. Islam does not have a problem with women not wearing an abaya, as long as she is wearing good clothing - nothing tight or short - that respects her and others. I have no problem with that. I have seen midriff tops and low-cut tops on eighteen and twenty year-old girls out at the mall - really unbelievable - and because of the way they dress, this could lead to problems. I’m not saying they should be wearing an abaya or scarf to protect themselves from men staring. Whether one wears an abaya or a tent, you’ll not stop a man from staring.”

Jemma, an Arab Muslim, said; “Muslim women see their mode of dress as a form of freedom from the unrelenting form of obsession and objectification of the female body. It stresses the profound worth of the inner person and reduces the fixation of physical / material factors.”

I have seen (more than once) the allure that a prim and proper woman in niqab can produce with heavily made up eyes as she casts a single, darting glance with seductively flirting eyes. Conversely, a cold glance can put a man in his rightful place with the same eyes of a woman in casual Western attire.

An anonymous woman offered an extreme view that the practice of unveiling is harmful to Bahraini society. “Women are taught from early childhood that their worth is proportional to their attractiveness. We feel compelled to pursue abstract notions of beauty; half realizing that such a pursuit is futile. Mothers who compel their daughters to take off the hijab, saying that they won’t find husbands wearing it, are not educating their daughters to obey Allah and his messenger. If a woman will not obey Allah and his messenger, how can she be expected to obey her husband? The honour of a father is his daughter. The honour of a brother is his sister. The honour of a husband is his wife, and the honour of a son is his mother. Remember that when you leave the hijab and show the shape of your body (wearing jeans and t-shirts or even a tight fitting abaya) or, worse still, your hair and skin, then you are in fact dishonouring and insulting your fathers, brothers, sons, and husbands.”

Lee Ann Fleetwood took issue with this opinion, countering, “honour should not be a burden on another person.”

Annie Coyle, an Irish woman teaching Bahraini Arab adults conversational English, noted that in the past few years she has seen more women wearing hijab at the universities than previously. She wonders if it is from society’s cultural pressure rather than religious belief. “I don’t think anybody would ask anyone to change his or her culture. I think maybe the point is whether we have the right to judge another’s culture. You have the choice to wear whatever you want, and respect what other people are wearing, without thinking that your way is the only right way. You should respect the culture that you live in.”

“In Bahrain most women involved in public life and who have been well educated dress as they wish,” contended Saara, who does not wear hijab. “Some wear abayas, some wear long and loose Western clothing, some wear tighter Western clothing, some cover their hair, and some don’t. And yet, all dress within an acceptable range of 'modesty.' No one seems particularly concerned about dress, and I’m sure it is a non-issue for many.

“It seems that when a woman has achieved something worthwhile, it is almost an unspoken rule not to discuss her appearance. This does not mean that one’s dress is entirely unimportant. It is just that it should never be the absolute emphasis of one’s identity as a person. The inside is just as important as the outside.”

“People in this country want you to wear hijab not for God, but for society and for them,” contended Lee Ann Fleetwood. “I told my daughters that I didn’t believe in it and I don’t wear it, but I will not make the choice for them. My oldest daughter removed her headscarf for a month or so awhile back and got a lot of grief for that. She actually lost a friend over it, which really angered me. This friend told my daughter that ‘if you were my friend, you would wear your hijab.’ She should have said if you are a Muslim and you believe in God, you would wear it, not that if you want to be my friend you’ll wear it.

“God says over and over in the Quran that He is the Most Fair, the Most Merciful, the Most Loving - every good word you can think about God - and He also says He does not distinguish between the genders; He makes them equal. He says that we are accountable for our own behaviour, and that each of us should behave ourselves, lower our gaze, don’t look at forbidden things, and don’t partake in forbidden acts. We should all behave modestly at all times. So given that He spent the whole entire book telling us how to behave ourselves, why then would He say, ‘but because men are weak and always want sex and can’t control themselves, in this case women should cover up their entire bodies and not let men see them?’

“Well, men shouldn’t be looking at women’s bodies. God already explained that. They should be behaving themselves, and God said that, too. If women’s hair is sexy to men, then men’s hair is sexy to women. So why don’t men have to cover up from us? And also, don’t forget that God is going to hold each individual accountable. You are not accountable for every man in this room if he looks at you. It is their sin if they look at you, not yours. As long as you dress modestly and behave modestly, it is not your sin if a man looks at you and thinks immodestly.”

“This is what you see,” countered Maryam al Sheroogi. “We see something else. In the old days of our culture, if a man saw a woman dressed provocatively, he would give her a poem about her body and her beauty. That poem brought shame to the girl’s family because everybody knew the poem was about her. The Arabic poem is very bad.”